Sunday October 21, 2012

What a month I've had.  Things seem to have happened at warp speed and now that everything is said and done we are all left wondering "what the heck just happened!?"

As I told you in earlier posts,  my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer in the middle of August, after she exhibited stroke like symptoms in her right leg and arm.  The cancer had already metastasized into her brain and liver.  She immediately underwent 10 days of whole brain radiation, and then after a weeks break started her first round of chemo.  Three days after her first chemo she became jaundiced and was admitted to the hospital.  They were unable to perform a bile duct bypass, and they sent her home to see if the chemo would work well enough to reduce the tumor in her liver. Unfortunately that was not the case.   One and a half weeks later we brought mom back to the oncologist on the day of her supposed second chemo treatment (although we all knew by then she wasn't strong enough for a second treatment).  The doctor said there was nothing else he could do but did admit her into the hospital for some IV fluids to perk her up a little, and to give us a few days to prepare for hospice care.  That was on Monday, October 1.  We started making arrangements for hospice.  My older brother and I stayed with my dad that week to help him with everything.  My brother had to leave Wednesday night for a meeting at his work the next morning but was coming back by lunch time to help us with the move to hospice.  Thursday morning the hospital called to say they were not going to move mom after all  because she had taken a turn for the worse the night before.  I told my dad, and called both my brothers and then jumped in the car and zoomed to the hospital.  I made in time to hold her hand and tell her we all loved her...and then she took her last breath.   We buried her on October 8th - which just happened to be me and my husband's 24th wedding anniversary.  It was a beautiful Fall morning and the cemetery we found is almost directly across from my dad's property, in a quaint little church cemetery on a hill that overlooks the West Virginia mountains.   I think she would have liked it.

Now that things have settled down I can't help but think of how fast this all took place.  While it was going on we were all so busy running around, talking to doctors, making future plans, looking after my father, visiting in the hospital....etc.  Now we are all left wondering what the heck just happened, you know what I mean?   I've been down to see my dad a couple times and he seems to be doing fine.  With my mother being out of the house for the entire illness (she stayed with my brother, then me, then rehab, then the hospital), I think that gave dad some time to adjust to her being gone.  I recently went down to see him for an overnight visit and brought him some homemade meals, helped him pick out a new couch that he has always wanted (my mom only wanted love seats and chairs), and talked with about him getting a dog.  I think he'll be OK.  We are all planning on meeting back at dad's house for Thanksgiving this year and having a big family meal together, my dad, my two brothers and their families and me and my guys.   I think that gives him something to look forward to.

As for me I am surprisingly doing fine as well.  My husband thinks it hasn't hit me yet, but I think I've been adjusting to the inevitable ever since I took her to the ER when she was first diagnosed.  I have been thinking about how all my female role models are gone now, my mom, my aunts, and both my grandmothers.  I'm left with the men.

My husband and I are going up to Lancaster tomorrow for a little late anniversary overnight trip.  I'm looking forward to just doing some craft shopping, enjoying the Amish countryside, and spending some alone time with my husband, and taking my mind somewhere else for awhile.

My next blog I will begin thinking about the BFC again.  One thing we have all talked about during this trying time, is how we should all take care of ourselves, get ourselves healthy, get physicals, don't overlook symptoms and don't hold off until too late things you want to do and see.   I believe this lifestyle I have been on for about a year and a half now is one that will get me healthy!

Thanks for letting me share all of this with you guys.